So, I’m living vicariously through a girlfriend’s adventures with dating a new guy. Not too long into it, she tells me her latest date with him was lovely and then says “I think figuring out the monogamy question might be tricky. He seems to be into me enough… time will tell.”
As soon as I she told me this, I thought what is wrong with this picture?! Do I get angry because the guy seems to want his cake and eat it too? Or, do I shake my head at my own reflection I see in the mirror? The one where I allow the situation to unfold on me versus taking the bull by the horns and defining what is acceptable and what is not? Do I sit around and spend all my time and energy with this guy hoping he will fall totally in love with me and want to commit monogamy? Then, I just wind up heart broken when he tells me he’s into me, but not that into me. After all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
This is a perfect example of giving your power away. Let me explain, this guy has been chasing my girlfriend for weeks. Connecting with her, giving her little gifts, and demonstrating other obvious signs that he’s interested in her. She has the power in this situation. She is the pursued, the shiny object, the glorious reflection of woman, the Aphrodite goddess. And she commands full fidelity. That her man is devoted to her in worship and does not have false gods before her. The very first commandment Moses handed down was I am the Lord, thy God – Thou shall not have other gods before me. In other words, there is only one and that is me. No shades of grey here on whether you are monogamous or strictly monogamous, as if there is a difference.
If you do not define your boundaries on what is acceptable to you within a relationship, the lines will be drawn for you. You may find yourself in no man’s land between the desert empty space of the enemy lines and your own encampment. My advice to my girlfriend? Have the conversation sooner rather than later. Don’t wait for the man or anyone else to define things. If you don’t own your power then you will wind up giving it away – for free.