You Deserve to be Loved – Believe it

Ever listen to that little voice inside your head that says those little ugly things?  Like:

You’re not smart enough

You’re not pretty (or handsome) enough

You’re not good enough

And my personal favorite:

You’re not worthy enough

Where do these voices come from and how did they get there?  If you said “your parents” you’re right.  In myriad thousand ways your parents probably gave you lots of negative messages – all of which derived from their own fears, their own struggles, and well, their own parents’ legacy of being imperfect and damaged human beings.  It also comes from society – your colleagues, your friends, people on the street, the media, you name it.  It’s everywhere seeping into the porous gray matter in your head and stewing until it becomes a constant refrain in your head.  It becomes your mantra that you repeat over and over and over.

Well, I’m here to tell you it’s a bunch of shit.  The biggest culprit is you for believing that crap in the first place.  It’s not your fault.  You didn’t know you were being programmed with sour grapes and hostile messages that were damaging your psyche and your soul.  You’re a tender person with a soft heart deep inside and you didn’t know how much these things hurt you, despite your tough skin persona.  Until, one day you wake up and realize there’s been this pattern your whole life of being in bad relationships, or not asking for the promotion you deserve and getting passed over, or always being the nice guy who finishes last, or being the best friend but never the lover.  It manifests in many different ways.  The common thing, though, is the deep seated belief that you don’t deserve to be loved.  It all points to this no matter which way you got there, what the specific messages were, or who and how you were rejected in your life that you took at reinforcement of this supposed fact.

But there’s hope and there is redemption.  The fact is, that it’s just not true.  And you have the power to decide what is true and what is not.  You have the power to believe what you want to believe.  And what you believe, makes your life.  In reality, you are actually a beautiful and caring person, a great friend, a wonderful adventurer, a funny pal, a passionate lover, a…..  You are all of these things and more.  You just never heard those messages, not as much or often anyway.  And you didn’t listen to those voices that told you these things, either.  Instead, you focused on the dark callings and let the light slip away from you.  Well, you are the light!  And you deserve to be loved.  The thing you need to do now is believe it.  The surest way to do that is to repeat it over and over and over.  Make it your new mantra “I deserve to be loved.”  Repeat it every day, several times a day, for days on end, until it finally starts to dawn on you – it becomes a core fabric of your being that this is, in fact, the truth.

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Keep Your Power by Claiming it

So, I’m living vicariously through a girlfriend’s adventures with dating a new guy.  Not too long into it, she tells me her latest date with him was lovely and then says “I think figuring out the monogamy question might be tricky.  He seems to be into me enough… time will tell.”

As soon as I she told me this, I thought what is wrong with this picture?!  Do I get angry because the guy seems to want his cake and eat it too?  Or, do I shake my head at my own reflection I see in the mirror?  The one where I allow the situation to unfold on me versus taking the bull by the horns and defining what is acceptable and what is not?  Do I sit around and spend all my time and energy with this guy hoping he will fall totally in love with me and want to commit monogamy?  Then, I just wind up heart broken when he tells me he’s into me, but not that into me.  After all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

This is a perfect example of giving your power away.  Let me explain, this guy has been chasing my girlfriend for weeks.  Connecting with her, giving her little gifts, and demonstrating other obvious signs that he’s interested in her.  She has the power in this situation.  She is the pursued, the shiny object, the glorious reflection of woman, the Aphrodite goddess.  And she commands full fidelity.  That her man is devoted to her in worship and does not have false gods before her.  The very first commandment Moses handed down was I am the Lord, thy God – Thou shall not have other gods before me.  In other words, there is only one and that is me.  No shades of grey here on whether you are monogamous or strictly monogamous, as if there is a difference.

If you do not define your boundaries on what is acceptable to you within a relationship, the lines will be drawn for you.  You may find yourself in no man’s land between the desert empty space of the enemy lines and your own encampment.   My advice to my girlfriend?  Have the conversation sooner rather than later.  Don’t wait for the man or anyone else to define things.  If you don’t own your power then you will wind up giving it away – for free.

 

We’re all a WIP (Work in Progress)

We are all a WIP – a work in progress.  My own journey in this recently led me to moving from Seattle to San Diego, where my sister lives.  There I was sitting in the sun in my sister’s backyard with her three year old daughter, Sylvia.  Palm trees were wafting in the gentle wind against a clear blue sky.  It was a perfect beautiful day in San Diego.  I was far from the gray clouds of Seattle and my former dark and depressed self.  We were talking about life – my struggles with alcohol addiction and recent triumphs in keeping sober, my weird artsy ways, and my life journey so far.  At some point she says to me “Man, you’re a piece of work!”  At which point Sylvia’s three year old face lights up and exclaims with great cheer “I’m a piece of work too!”  We laugh and chuckle hysterically.

The truth is, we are all a piece of work.  A work in progress – or WIP.  We are all a magnificent piece of art work in continual creation – a unique being whose life story and journey is theirs alone to travel and be told.

But, what does this really mean?  Sure, we’re all unique and have our individual ways.  So what?  Tell me something I don’t know.  The key is to embrace this fact.  WIP means you’re in continual creation.  It means you’re not perfect.  It means what was good for you yesterday or served a purpose in your life, may not today.  It gives you the right to re-route, regroup, reconsider, re-do, return to your true self, or whatever re- you are currently in need of doing.  Or to add, layer onto, build on top of, what was there before.  Since you are a work in progress – you are on a journey of progress from a former self or version of you to a newer, more enlightened self of you.  You are like a snake who sheds its skin that is too tight, broken down, or worn out for new clean skin so it can grow beyond what it once was.  Then when that skin becomes too constricting, shed it again.

It’s this shedding of skin over and over and letting new skin shine that allows the snake to literally grow – in size, length, strength, and capability as a hunter and survivor.  She is one who enjoys sitting in the sun on a big rock and regenerating her energy supply, while being big enough to ward off predators.  It’s this kind of existence that is most important in life.  One that accepts where you are, understands that this too will change and move forward.  That you are a work in progress – a magnificent continual act of creation and being.  That shedding the old skin is a vital part of that process.  And, most importantly, to enjoy basking in the sun and the moment of where you are right now. Continue reading “We’re all a WIP (Work in Progress)”

Launched! Online Course in Secrets to Well Being

Hello – I just launched an online course that includes 14 lessons that deep dive into the secrets of well being and how you can incorporate them into the way you think and live to recover, heal, and transform your life.  I hope you’ll join me in a journey of personal transformation by taking this course.  You’ll learn a lot of things and come away with practical tips and actions you can take in your life to move onto a more fulfilling and enriching life path, immediately!

Uncover how to find your self love, purge the critical mind, let go of the past, drop limiting beliefs, and embrace a life of abundance.

Are you seeking to live a more fulfilling life?

Do you want to be free of that which holds you back from living your life to its fullest potential? Do you want to be fundamentally happy with your life and where you are going? I know I did.

Are you struggling with thoughts of doubt about your self-worth? Are you stuck continually rehashing things in your past? Are you numbing out in life and over-indulging in food or chemical substances? I know I was.

Are you wanting to lead a life that is more abundant, fulfilling, and joyful? Do you want to be well in head, heart, and soul, but don’t know how to recover, heal, and transform your life? I know I did.

What are you waiting for?

Join me on a journey of transformation. Learn the secrets to well-being that I incorporated into my life that got me onto a much better path and in a better place. By living the secrets to well-being I was able to:

  • Quit drinking
  • Quit smoking
  • Quit treating myself poorly and allowing others to treat me poorly
  • Stop letting life and other circumstances control my emotions and sense of well-being

Imagine what transformation you could achieve in your life if you learned the secrets to well-being!

What You’ll Learn

In this course, you’ll learn to:

  • Acknowledge life’s journey as a work in progress and be okay with the process
  • Find your self love and build a strong foundation of it
  • Let go the past and the things that hold you back from moving forward
  • Purge the critical internal mind and find your inner champion
  • Express your feelings and emotions in empowering ways
  • Own and claim your power to create your life as yours
  • Recover and cultivate your connection with the divine spirit
  • Learn ways to find abundance and embrace gratitude in your life
  • Stop fighting things in your life and let go that which serves you no good
  • Find forgiveness for yourself and others
  • Reintegrate the pieces of yourself and transform the stories you tell yourself
  • Write a new vision of your life story moving forward

Why I wrote a book on addiction

Hi, this is my first blog post on this website dedicated to harnessing the power or the principles of well-being to live a life free of addition.  I’ve always dreamed of writing a book – I even have a Master’s degree in Creative Writing.  But, I never dreamed that my great American novel would wind up being a book about addiction and recovering from it.  See, I always knew I was a “melancholic” spirit, but I did not realize that I was actually clinically depressed and that my love affair with alcohol was not a romantic day dream of a wondrous lover, but a horribly abusive and destructive relationship.  And a shameful one at that.  I did not want to admit I had this dis-ease called addiction.  I did not understand why me.  I was not willing to accept the fact that it was what it was and there was nothing I could do about it.

Actually, there was plenty I could do about it.  And there is plenty you can do too, if you are suffering from addiction and self-destructive behaviors.  I could put on my big girl panties, accept the fact that my genetic biology made me susceptible to this disease, and that there was no shame in this.  What was actually shameful was knowing I had a problem and doing nothing about it.  It’s a long road to climb out of the deep, dark well we can find ourselves in.  But, at the top of that tall well wall is a circle of light streaming down from above to reach you in the depths of the darkness.  There is hope and there is a way.  The thing is, tackling this disease head-on and fighting the substance you are addicted to is not the way to truly beat it.  It doesn’t matter what the substance is – for me it was alcohol.  For others it may be prescription pills, or sugar, or heroin.  What matters is how you feel about yourself deep down, whether you have a strong sense of self love and esteem, and how well developed you are when it comes to emotional maturity and life coping skills.  I can tell you I suffered in all these categories.  It wasn’t my fault, though.  I just never knew I was lacking in these areas and that this made me vulnerable to being ill equipped to deal with my biological tendency toward drinking and not being able to stop.  If you met me in person, you’d think I was a really nice person.  I’m attractive, I’m smart, and I’m funny.  I love my kids and I’m a good friend.  I also have a good job, make good money, and take care of my family.

So, you’re a good person too.  You just fell into a hole and you don’t know how to get out, nor do you have the skills and tools to do it.  I wrote this book because I felt my journey to get out of that hole was different than most of the traditional routes we’re subject to and I wanted people to know about it.  That’s because I truly believe that in order to get well, to truly get well, and stay well, we need to do the inner work.  This is where the principles of well-being come into play.  These are all about building a strong sense of self, accepting who we are, forgiving ourselves and others, learning to let go of the past, and most of all to practice an abundant exuberance for life.  It focuses on creating a life moving forward that we truly want to live, that is beneficial to our health and those who love us and we love, and is one we can feel proud of. 

Here’s the thing.  I went through two treatment programs and more AA meetings than I care to count.  And this traditional approaches did not work for me.  The truth is, they don’t work for many people.  Our medical, mental, and health care systems are fundamentally broken in a lot of respects.  When it comes to addiction treatment, the focus is most often on the actual substance itself, versus the person and their emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental well-being.  Fix the dis-ease in these systems and you won’t have the symptoms of a full blown addiction anymore.  That’s because when we are strong at our core, we are well grounded in who were are, we understand our limitations and accept our weaknesses, and we focus on being good inside and healthy in mind, body, and spirit, we become adamant about not polluting our bodies and our minds with abusive substances that serve us no good. 

These principles of well-being are:

Principle 1: We’re all a Work in Progress

Principle 2: Self-Love is the Foundation

Principle 3:  The Past is Gone Forever

Principle 4:  Be Your Own Champion

Principle 5:  Emotions Need Expression

Principle 6:  Keep Your Power by Owning It

Principle 7:  Abundance is Attitude

Principle 8:  We are Spirit that Needs Nurturing

Principle 9:  Resistance is Futile – Surrendering will set you Free

Principle 10:  Forgiveness Starts with You

Principle 11:  Who You Are Now is What Matters Most

Principle 12:  Your Story is Yours to Write

Why I wrote this book is because somewhere along the way, I realized that I was never going to get well, unless I learned these principles and practiced them until they became the core fabric in my life.  Only then, was I able to crawl out of that deep, dark well and remain firmly planted on the ground above, fully in the sunlight.  Now, I’m a much more balanced and content person.  I know how to live a life without drinking, I can go to social functions and have a good time without imbibing, and I feel so much better in health and mind, than those dreary days of being hungover and miserable all the time. 

Because traditional treatment programs didn’t teach these things and because they were so vital to my recovery and keeping myself sober, I wanted to share them with everyone else who may be struggling. 

My book talks about each one of these principles, what they mean, why they matter when trying to break free of addiction, and I provide practical tips and tools for how to do it.   I also provide one or two exercises per principle for you to do and put into practice.  These are all actual things that I did and they helped me immensely.  My hope and trust is that they will help you too. 

Lastly, if you have any questions you would like me to answer I will share my experiences and how I addressed the same challenge or issue, including what got me to successfully get through it to the other side.  Just send me your question through the contact button below.  All questions will be answered as a blog article post, so everyone else can learn from the answer too, but persons shall remain anonymous.

Buy the book on Amazon.com – Harnessing the Power of the Principles of Well-Being.  You too can learn to live free of addictions and self-destructive behaviors.  I’ll show you how and I’ll encourage you along the way.  It takes courage, grit, and persistence, but you have all that and more.  Most importantly, you are a good person and you deserve to lead a full and happy life.  Embrace the principles of well-being, incorporate them into your life, and you will find yourself well on your journey to recovery and beyond.